A Date, DVDs, and a Discussion
by UrsineEnchantment
Summary: When Akira suggests a movie date in Leblanc for their quiet evening, Makoto is torn. She should be looking forward to it, and part of her is, but the other part just feels nervous and a bit disheartened. This is her first relationship. How much of oneself are you supposed to reveal, and which parts should you keep hidden, even from your boyfriend?


"So, what are you in the mood for? Comedy? Drama? Maybe some _mushy romance?"_

She fought the urge to snort as Akira posed on one tiptoed-foot and batted his eyelashes, instead flashing him a tight-lipped smile as she waved the idea off. "I think I'll pass on that last one, thanks. I get quite enough of that from you! I'm not quite sure what I'd like to see though..." She allowed her smile to fade as she turned to browse through another aisle of the rental shop, concentrating on the titles as she passed them. Nothing here was really standing out to her, but Akira had _insisted_ on letting her pick the movie for their date tonight. He was also paying for it himself, ever the gentleman despite her arguments that they should alternate the bills or at least split them. She had to pick _something._

One bright cover caught the corner of her eye as she slowed her pace to a near-stop. _No, you're certainly not picking that one._ She'd meandered around most of the store now, and had managed to circle back to this point three times. He'd...he'd said she could pick _anything..._

Swallowing her reluctance, she averted her gaze and resumed walking, soon arriving at the action section of the store. Slim fingers flicked through the dvds as she scrutinized the plastic covers, well aware of her boyfriend's casual footsteps approaching as they tapped on the tile floor.

"Find anything yet?"

It wasn't asked with any intentions of rushing her, she knew that, but she'd already been procrastinating for half an hour. Best to hurry along and choose something.

"Um...yes, I think I have." She passed the movie she'd just grabbed to Akira, tucking a stray portion of her hair behind her ear as she awaited his opinion.

"Cops and assassins, huh? Ooh, and there's motorcycles, that's right up your alley!" She couldn't see his eyes very well from the glare the harsh store lighting was casting on his glasses, but his smile was warm, playful. Oh yes, he surely found her choice amusing. It was a spot-on combination of elements for Queen. He thought he knew her _so well._

For the most part, he _did._ She was sure she'd find some entertainment in this film as well, but...

 _Forget about that, Makoto. Besides, second choices are just as fun! You'll still enjoy this, and the important thing isn't the movie, it's spending time with him!_

Toying with the hem of her jacket and breathing in the cool evening air while she waited outside for Akira to finish speaking with the shopkeeper, she felt her fluttering nerves finally begin to settle. Picking the correct movie had been a bit more stressful than she'd anticipated, even if it was self-inflicted stress. But she'd made a good choice, so now she could look forward to their night ahead.

Yes, a nice, relaxing night in with her boyfriend. A fond glimpse inside the shop revealed him still talking with the older man at the counter, the two smiling as they conversed. Most peers her age would simply dart out of a shop as soon as they'd gotten their items, often without so much as a thank you, but Akira always took the time to ask about someone's day, or commend them on the services they provided. He seemed to know just about every shop owner in the area on a somewhat personal basis, and he was always respectful no matter what kind of hurry he was in.

 _He's so mature compared to the rest of the school, or the rest of our team even._

That was part of why she was drawn to him, she supposed. He'd earned her respect that way.

 _I have to maintain the respect he has for me too._

 _ **XXX**_

"Are sure you're comfortable? I think Sojiro has some more pillows and blankets in a storage box somewhere..." He'd started to turn and walk out of the room before she even gave her answer, and she had to reach out and gently grasp his arm to tug him back onto the bed.

"I'm perfectly fine, _thank you,_ Akira." Keeping her hand where it was, she let her thumb stroke him fondly until she felt the slight tension in his bicep relax. They were already going to be nestled in under two quilts, with a colourful array of differently-cased pillows stacked behind their backs and heads to prop them up. Bowls and packages of snacks and bottles of different flavored drinks were piled around them, and the table holding the tv had been repositioned closer to the bed to provide the perfect view. He'd set up a wonderful little movie night here, and she hoped he could pick up on her appreciation for his efforts.

He'd never told her directly, but in her time getting to know her lead-no, her _boyfriend,_ she'd come to realize that sometimes he was rather self-conscious of his living situation. Oh, he enjoyed joking about it sometimes with their friends, playfully exaggerating the horrors of living in a spooky attic with 'more rats and spiders than Morgana could ever catch', claiming that Sojiro was plotting to freeze him to death with his single blanket (no, the heater that Boss refilled every other day certainly didn't exist, he and Mona were forced to fend for themselves all alone), and so-on and so-on. Whenever she came over though, he always went out of his way to clean up and organize things so they looked neater, tried to gather up whatever he could that matched so that certain things didn't look like such a hodge-podge. He'd already investigated the pillows twice to see if he could find an actual set instead of a bunch of singles of different sizes.

If only she could figure out how to convey to him that the awkward, cobbled-together aesthetic was exactly what she loved about this place, what she loved about _him._ Her own apartment was nice, yes, but sometimes it felt too clean, too orderly, even for her. Everything matched, everything was in its proper place except for a few scattered things (usually her own, and only if she'd been too busy to put things away in the moment). There were a lot of things that were untouched because no one was around for long enough to use them, several objects or clothes packed neatly into boxes in a closet because if you couldn't see them, you wouldn't remember who they'd once belonged to. There was plenty of space, yes, but it was always lonely. But here, in this cramped little attic...it actually looked _lived in._ There were strange objects scattered all around the room, each looking decidedly used, each with a connection to someone or someplace, a whole story just waiting to be told. The lighting in this room may remain dim, but to her, it always felt _vibrant,_ _alive._ Akira was the same way. Messy, and always rushing around, but it didn't conjure up the idea of tiredness, that endless business she was used to. He was always doing something, but it was always something _worth doing,_ something that made memories or new friendships. She never felt lonely when she was here with him. She felt like she was _home._

"Alright then. Just let me get the movie." She released his arm as he slid back off of the bed. He shuffled through the stack of rented dvds he had next to the television set (he was apparently an avid fan of the 'The X Folders' and 'Bubbly Hills, 90210' series'), and eventually found what he was looking for. She'd started to chew on a mouthful of popcorn when he dropped a plastic case in her lap, and she promptly choked. Struggling not to spit half-eaten food all over his blankets, her frantically-searching hand finally grasped one of the bottles of juice, and she had to chug several mouthfuls before she managed to wash it down her throat and gasp for breath. Akira had his arms hovering near her back like he'd been prepared to do the Heimlich maneuver, and only relaxed when she waved her other free hand to shoo them away. "I-I'm fine! Just...swallowed the wrong way..." she gasped, her face flushing.

"Sorry, I wanted to surprise you, but I didn't think it'd be _that much_ of a surprise." he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck while he flashed her an apologetic smile.

"Um, yes, it's...certainly a surprise..." she mumbled, screwing the cap back on her drink and setting it off to the side before she picked up the dvd case. A near rainbow of overly-saturated colours assaulted her eyes as she stared at the cover, complete with bubble-lettered, bright pink font. The artwork was full of round, cartoonish creatures, and she flipped to read a blurb on the back that used the words 'friendship' and 'fun' more times than she cared to count. It was the same dvd she'd made sure to avoid in the rental shop, and now it was here, staring her in the face and sending her stomach twisting with fresh anxiety. What did Akira mean by this? She bit her lower lip, turning the cover back over while she pondered it.

"Wh-Why...Why did you get this?" She knew her voice sounded like it was just on the edge of cracking, but she couldn't find it in her to steady it. Did he know? It had to be some sort of trick, a way to make fun of her. No one her age picked out a movie like this unless they were planning to prank someone by switching the disk with something wildly different, or maybe wanted to gather in a group to mock the entire film. She couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"I thought...Wait, were you actually looking at something _next to_ that one? I thought I saw you glance at it a few times, so I went back to grab it once you left the shop, but I guess I might not have seen well from my angle. Er, if you hate it, I can just take it back tomorrow. We've still got the other one you picked out, so we can watch that instead!" He reached to take the case from her hands, and she forced her grip to unclench as he cast her another apologetic look. "Sorry, I probably should have just asked what you were staring at. I mean, I guess this kind of movie _is_ way off-base for you."

That last sentence might as well have stabbed her stomach with a knife and ripped it open. She certainly felt like her guts had spilled.

Apparently she hadn't done a very good job hiding that feeling in her expression, because suddenly Akira was brushing her hair out of the way with one hand, cupping her face. "Hey, hey, what's wrong? Is it something I said? Look, I'm really sorry if that offended you, I swear I wasn't pulling any kind of joke with that dvd. You're one of the most mature people I know, and I'm sure stuff like that is way below you, but I really didn't mean-"

"Th-That's the problem, a-actually..." she whispered, ducking away from his hand as shame tugged at her chest again. "You're right, movies like that _should_ be far below my tastes, b-but...they aren't. I know back when we were discussing Buchimaru-kun with Eiko, I-I said I liked it for the childhood nostalgia, but...when it comes to similar properties, I don't even have that as an excuse." She knew she was only setting herself up for disappointment by confessing this secret of hers, because the only outcomes she could foresee were outright teasing, or if not that, at least a loss of respect despite her other merits. If he didn't catch on tonight though, he would just end up finding out another day, somehow, and she wasn't sure she could handle having to listen to the things she held so dearly to her heart being bashed whenever the subjects came up until that happened. It was best to rip off the band-aid now and let him have his fun.

"Th-The truth is...I actually really like those sorts of movies. I know it's utterly childish, and they certainly aren't stimulating, and I wish I could give it up like all of my peers seem to have been able to, but I just...I-I don't even know what it is that draws me to them, exactly. Perhaps it's just because it's so much more pleasant than any real world issues, or because of all the pointless singing, or some other ridiculous reason. Either way, it's silly. I'm sorry if that's shattered whatever view you have of me, but I'm not quite as mature as you believed I was..."

She didn't like being open. She'd been forced to close off so much of herself for so long, taking certain aspirations or interests and shoving them down deep inside while she tried to live up to the person others wanted her to be. She'd broken out of that first mold when she met the group, yes, but old habits died hard, and every day she still found herself trying to fit into a different mold. Not as strict as the first, but there were certainly still parts of her that weren't supposed to show. Queen was a fearsome fighter: ruthless, intimidating, a rebel and a hero. Makoto was the grown-up, well-put-together Student Council President. She could also be the advisor, the strategist, the tutor, and occasionally (at least that's how it felt with Ryuji, Yusuke, and Futaba), a babysitter. Nowhere in those two sides of her was it fitting to be the girl who genuinely adored simple, overly-cutesy cartoons meant for no one above the age of seven. At least when she'd admitted her love for graphic novels to Ryuji and the rest of her friends, the subject matter had still been fairly action-packed and violent, which fit in to her new role fighting Shadows and such.

"If you'd like to poke fun at me or the dvd, I wouldn't blame you. Just please go ahead and get it over with..." She'd folded her arms close to her chest under the blankets while she awaited the incoming barrage of joking commentary, but the only sound that came from Akira was a sigh as he flopped onto the bed, the dreaded dvd still in his hand.

"Makoto, why would you think I'd tease you over this?"

What kind of question was that? Wasn't the answer obvious? She risked a quick glance at him before averting her eyes to look into a bowl of popcorn, speaking softly. "Why _wouldn't_ you? We're in high school, Akira, and _I'm_ going to be _graduating_ this year. Our peers have given these sort of things up long ago, and I'm still...It just doesn't suit who I am, or who I'm supposed to be. I mean, none of our friends-"

"What about Haru and Ann? They like cute things too, right?"

"Well, yes, but it's not the same! That's just because they're, er, well, you know how they are..." They were younger than her, and far more feminine in certain aspects, and generally less mature. Even taking all of that out of account, they only ever squealed about mascots or cute accessories and trinkets, things that were made to be consumed by the female market for all ages. They certainly never went out of their way to binge entire seasons of a childrens' animated series, or keep up with the new movies coming out.

"Makoto, you don't have to fit a certain image just to _like_ something. If it makes you happy, that's enough of a reason to enjoy it, and nothing should stop you. I picked that dvd up because I thought you wanted it, not to make fun of you." He reached a hand out to gently rub her shoulder, and she felt some of the tension she was carrying begin to dissolve as he kept talking. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I just got nervous because I thought I'd messed up and upset you, but I kind of misjudged _what_ about that dvd was upsetting you, so I started blurting out all of that stuff. But I want you to know that I'll _always_ support your interests, so you don't have to hide them from me and bottle stuff up, okay? I love you, _all of you,_ not just the idea of 'Queen' or 'The Perfect Honor Student.' You can be whoever you want to be, and do whatever you want to do, and as long as nobody gets hurt, it's fine."

She nibbled her bottom lip for a moment, giving him a slight nod of acknowledgement as she thought over his words. So he really wouldn't judge her after all? She knew Akira was very kind and considerate, but he was still a teenage boy, so she'd expected at least a few teasing remarks. And even though relationships were supposed to be about trust and honesty, part of her still felt like she had to present her _best_ self, the Makoto that he already knew. Opening up about her interests, no matter how ill-fitting they would seem, possibly surprising him...she'd be lying if she said such a concept didn't scare her.

But...it would admittedly also be a relief, to have a place to go, a person she could let down a few of her walls around. To relax and enjoy something and _actually be able to talk about it_ instead of keeping every thought and emotion crammed and compartmentalized inside her head.

She'd already told Akira about her father, and her troubles with Sis. Compared to heavy topics like those...perhaps expressing some of the lighter personal details about herself wouldn't be an _impossible_ thing to overcome?

"Um, Makoto? Are you alright?" Oh dear, she'd been so busy thinking that she'd forgotten to actually respond.

"Yes, I...Thank you, Akira." she murmured. "I think I'm alright now. I apologize for, um, derailing our movie night..."

"Don't apologize, it's alright! But, uh, I still need to know which to pop into the player..."

"Oh, er, right..." Her face was flushing pink as she hesitated, but she finally forced herself to meet his eyes. "Um, if you wouldn't mind sitting through it, c-could we...?"

"Your wish is my command~" he chuckled, hopping off of the bed with a playful bow before he opened the pink case and stuck the disk into the slot.

As the upbeat music began to play and a rainbow of cartoon creatures pranced onscreen, she watched Akira crawl back under the nest of blankets, gathering a few of his snacks. Once he was settled, she started to turn her attention back to the opening, only to feel his mess of hair brush her cheek as he laid his head against her shoulder, humming contentedly.

"Wanna hear a secret?" It had been a whisper she'd barely made out over the theme music, and she shifted her head to glance at him, careful not to dislodge him from his newly-claimed pillow. He was trying to keep a Joker Smirk on his face, but it was beginning to dissolve into a goofier, more genuine smile as he waited, holding his tongue for several long seconds to build suspense.

She'd finally given in and raised her eyebrows, pointedly signaling for him to spit it out despite the amused smile that was trying to take over her lips.

"I'm actually _a huge fan_ of Hello Kitty, myself."


End file.
